I'm about to head out to see the A's in person for the first time this year, at the ballpark three blocks from my office as opposed to the one so close to my house that, on a night like last night, I can hear Roy Steele's voice from my front porch.

My attitude toward the Giants has always been one of benign indifference -- so long as their interests do not collide with mine, the Giants can go about their merry little way. So I have little in the way of fuel for the cross-bay rivalry fire. Now, the folks who wear those split Oakland-San Francisco hats -- those people I shower with contempt. Those appalling fence-sitters should be barred from both teams' stadia until they pick a side. Either that, or force them to wear an oversize hat with logos of all 30 teams. I mean, we wouldn't want to let anyone feel left out, would we?

So with nothing in the way of analysis of the storied Greg Smith-Barry Zito matchup on tap for tonight, let us turn our attention to this mind-blowing YouTube video that the folks at Fire Joe Morgan hepped me to:

A couple of three thoughts here:

• It amuses me the surprised way that Joe Morgan says, "It's Pete Rose of the Philadelphia Phillies," as if A) TV viewers in 1979 would have no idea who Pete Rose is and what team he plays for; B) Joe himself has only just met Pete for the first time as opposed to playing eight seasons with him in Cincinnati; and C) he's shocked that runners can advance from first to second. I suppose, in Joe's defense, he might not have watched many Phillies games that year and, therefore, not been familiar enough with Pete's performance to offer an commentary.

• The words that come to mind when Pete Rose drapes his arm over Joe Morgan and tenderly sings the Aqua Velva jingle are, in order, "haunting," "emotional" and "something I didn't need to see."

• I will believe Pete Rose never bet on his own team before I believe he used Aqua Velva as his aftershave lotion. Everyone knows Pete's aftershave was a mixture of Crown Royal, stubbed-out cigarettes, and grease stained betting slips from the local racetrack.

And now, let's get into the mood for tonight's A's-Giants tilt by listening to the greatest Giant of them all address the most troubling issue of the day -- more troubling than steroids, more heated than instant replay, more controversial than those terrible things you've been saying about Milton Bradley. I'm speaking, of course, about blasting caps -- the exploding scourge that threatens our the very fabric of our society.

This PSA made the annual Free Blasting Caps Day at the Giants especially awkward that season.