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Malodorous
2007-05-10 15:20
by Ken Arneson

So I was watching the A's-Devil Rays game on Sunday, and my six-year-old daughter asks, "Who's that guy?"

"He's a new player on the A's," I said. "Chris Snelling."

"Who??? Chris Smelly???" she replied, in obvious delight at the possibilities.

"No, not Smelly. Snelling. He doesn't stink, unlike some other A's hitters I could name."

* * *

When an entire lineup seems to stink, it's sometimes hard to tell for sure if the entire lineup really stinks, or if the team is just running into a series of good performances by the opposing team. But all it takes is one new player (Dan Johnson) or two (Chris Snelling, Jack Cust) to be inserted into that lineup and not stink, to confirm that, yup, the rest of the lineup stinks.

But even the successes of these three recent additions to the A's lineup may be misleading. The whole lineup might still stink, but the stench is simply being masked by the even more malodorous pitching staffs of Tampa Bay and Kansas City.

* * *

But who are we to talk? Catfish Stew must not smell too good itself. Consider:

Ken Arneson is currently 4,650 miles away from Ryan Armbrust
Ryan Armbrust is currently 3,900 miles away from Philip Michaels
Philip Michaels is currently 7,100 miles away from Ken Arneson.

Nobody on Catfish Stew wants to be anywhere near each other. And clearly, you especially want as much distance as possible from that putrid Ken Arneson fellow. We won't reveal his exact location to protect the innocent, but this picture was taken by him yesterday high above a remote northern ocean:

 

Keep away from us. Keep far, far away.

 

Comments
2007-05-10 16:45:06
1.   Bob Timmermann
Catfish Stew: It's full of Antipodean goodness!
2007-05-10 17:04:45
2.   Ken Arneson
The shortest route between me and Philip goes pretty much right over the North Pole.
2007-05-11 09:19:38
3.   ziggy29
Jack Cust has a pretty malodorous strikeout rate. He's whiffed in 40% of his at bats, both so far this year and in his career.
2007-05-11 09:25:18
4.   Philip Michaels
2 Don't think the thought isn't crossing my mind, Ken. It would certainly take you by surprise.
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MLB Heavyweight Champion

If MLB champs were decided like boxing: beat the champ, and you're the champ.

The 2008 season started with the Red Sox as champs. They were beaten by the A's, who were beaten back by Boston, who were then swept by Toronto, who lost to Oakland, who lost to Cleveland, and so on, until we reached our current champion.

The Heavyweight of the Year is the team that wins the most title bouts at the end of the season.

Current Champion (as of 5/17):
Cincinnati Reds

2008 Title Bout Records:

teamwl
Athletics1313
Red Sox117
Angels64
Indians46
Rangers46
Blue Jays33
Reds20
Yankees11
Tigers12
Orioles03

2007 Heavyweight of the Year:
Seattle Mariners

2006 Heavyweight of the Year:
Oakland Athletics

2005 Heavyweight of the Year:
Oakland Athletics

more info...

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