Baseball Toaster Catfish Stew
Log in | Register | Help
STOP CASTING POROSITY! An Oakland Athletics blog.
Hot from the Toaster
The Griddle
Playoff series droughts (UPDATED)
Cardboard Gods
Angels at Red Sox, Game 4 ALDS Thread
Dodger Thoughts
Let's See Vin Scully Broadcast on TV During the NLCS
Bronx Banter
Elimination Day III
Mike's Baseball Rants
Like Deja Vu All Over Again
The Juice
College Picks are 11-5. Top Picks are 8-3. People, I AM ON FIRE!
Bad Altitude
NLDS Open Thread: Brewers-Phillies, Game 2
Cub Town
Riding the Red Bull
Humbug
Playoff preview ... of the grass at each stadium
Catfish Stew
Win One for the Sipper
Toaster Sites
Baseball Toaster
Toaster.TV
Search
Google Search
Web
Toaster
Catfish Stew
Archives

2008
09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

2007
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

2006
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

2005
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  01 

2004
12  09  08  01 

2003
12  11  10  09  08 
A's Web Sites

MLB Heavyweight Champion

If MLB champs were decided like boxing: beat the champ, and you're the champ.

The 2008 season started with the Red Sox as champs. They were beaten by the A's, who were beaten back by Boston, who were then swept by Toronto, who lost to Oakland, who lost to Cleveland, and so on, until we reached our current champion.

The Heavyweight of the Year is the team that wins the most title bouts at the end of the season.

Current Champion (as of 8/12):
Milwaukee Brewers

2008 Title Bout Records:

Mets2317
Athletics1313
Red Sox117
Cubs91
Padres86
Rockies714
Angels64
Indians611
Brewers50
Cardinals55
Reds55
Dodgers57
Marlins43
Rangers46
Blue Jays33
Nationals35
Mariners21
Yankees23
Phillies25
Tigers12
Giants03
Orioles03

2007 Heavyweight of the Year:
Seattle Mariners

2006 Heavyweight of the Year:
Oakland Athletics

2005 Heavyweight of the Year:
Oakland Athletics

more info...

Email Us

Ken: catfish AT zombia d.o.t. com
Ryan: rarmbrust AT gmail d.o.t. com
Philip: kingchimp AT alamedanet d.o.t net

Minor Leagues

2008 Stats

Syndication

rss2.0

Add to My Yahoo!
Mitchell Report Appendix E: Steroid Facts and 2007 Photo Outtakes
2007-12-14 07:48
by Ken Arneson
  1. Steroids give you hallucinations.
  2. Steroids lead to excessive photon absorbtion, exposing you to harmful doses of ultraviolet radiation.
  3. Steroids cause smog and odd-colored sunsets.
  4. Steroids cause holes in the ozone layer.
  5. Steroids are responsible for global warming and the melting of the Arctic ice cap.
  6. Steroids cause hurricanes.
  7. Steroids cause federal agencies to respond very slowly to natural disasters.
  8. Steroids render intelligence agencies unable to distinguish between Iran and Iraq, and to get confused about which one is working on creating WMDs.
  9. Steroids are why Bono still hasn't found what he's looking for.
  10. Steroids render you unable to distinguish between an iPod and a Zune.
  11. Steroids explain the existence of people who like Dave Matthews.
  12. One dose and you yelled, "Timber! Watch out for flying glass!" Your ceiling fell in and your bottom fell out, you went into a spin and you started to shout, "I've been hit! This is it! Damn, that zit! Anyone want to buy some authentic backne signed by Raul Padron?"
  13. Backne is gross.
  14. Steroids make you grow back hair.
  15. Back hair is gross.
  16. Steroids make your hairstyle indistiguishable from chia pets.
  17. Steroids make the sky look like Bobby Kielty's hair.
  18. There is no evidence that Bobby Kielty ever took steroids himself, but if he did, he only took the right-handed ones.
  19. Adam Everett's glove took steroids, but his bat didn't appreciate the peer pressure, and refused to participate.
  20. Steroids make people make up ridiculous facts about steroids and write them down.
Advertisement
Comments
2007-12-14 08:09:15
1.   MC Safety
ROFL. Thanks for that.
2007-12-14 08:15:50
2.   Ken Arneson
1 Steroids cause people to not get that Fact #20 means that they are supposed to add their own ridiculous facts about steroids in these comments.
2007-12-14 08:21:37
3.   dianagramr
Steroids make you invade other countries based of faulty "intelligence".
2007-12-14 08:26:28
4.   Ken Arneson
3 Steroids make you rephrase previously-told jokes.
2007-12-14 08:52:01
5.   Sushirabbit
Steroids make you blame everything on steroids.
2007-12-14 08:52:08
6.   dianagramr
4

OK .... how about "Steroids make you make claims about people using steroids based on questionable 'intelligence'"

2007-12-14 09:01:10
7.   Ken Arneson
6 Steroids enhance your joke-telling performances.
2007-12-14 09:09:56
8.   Dane Bramage
There is no evidence that Juan Pierre ever took steroids himself, but if he did, he only took the ones well past their expiration date.
2007-12-14 09:20:39
9.   Shotupthemiddle
Steroids made the entire population turn into mutated freaky monsters, leaving Will Smith as the only man left on earth....
2007-12-14 09:22:29
10.   dianagramr
Steroids decreased Derek Jeter's range to a negative number.
2007-12-14 09:45:10
11.   Aaron in RF
Steroids cause rising subprime foreclosures.

Steroids lead to massive bank write-downs.

Steroids lead to the structuring of credit risk and the sale of that risk to those least able to understand it.

Steroids made the Florida Local Government Pool halt withdrawals.

Steroids cause a massive lengthening in the Presidential campaign cycle, debate proliferation and an explosion in campaign financing costs.

2007-12-14 09:55:30
12.   doppelganger
Steroids cause you to compulsively critique steroid related jokes.
2007-12-14 10:33:25
13.   Ken Arneson
Steroids make my five-month-old daughter type this:

,87vhjjjj vbdbyh nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn hmn vhhbjnnnnnnnnn v dddddd nnhhnnbbbbbbbbbbbbb y hbu er5rc

2007-12-14 10:40:16
14.   BALCO Lab Rats
Steroids cause the Montreal Expos to become the Washington Nationals.
2007-12-14 10:45:23
15.   BALCO Lab Rats
Steroids cause ballplayers to sign autographs for free.
2007-12-14 10:48:02
16.   dianagramr
Steroids caused Peter Magowan to mistake Barry Zito for Johan Santana.
2007-12-14 11:46:50
17.   Jon Ericson
"Steroids", said repeatedly, ceases to become a meaningful word because of the damaging effects of steroids. Steroids, steroids, steroids.
2007-12-14 12:07:50
18.   Tom
Steroids are responsible for the ending of No Country for Old Men.
2007-12-14 13:50:24
19.   kylepetterson
You can lead a horse to water, Steroids can make it drink.
2007-12-14 14:11:05
20.   Ember Nickel
#0. Steroids distort the space-time continuum.
2007-12-14 14:52:56
21.   Philip Michaels
Steroids framed Lee Harvey Oswald.
2007-12-14 14:59:38
22.   Philip Michaels
Steroids made Billy Beane trade Dan Haren to Arizona.

Well, not really. But the trade did go through.

http://tinyurl.com/3y3x24

2007-12-14 15:15:17
23.   Chiron Brown
Steroids made Pete Rose bet on baseball games.
Steroids made Fred Merkle stop running.
Steroids kept African-Americans out of baseball until Jackie Robinson broke the steroid barrier.
Steroids made Harry Frazee sell Babe Ruth to the Yankees
Steroids made the Houston Astros wear horrible uniforms in the 1970's.
Steroids made Bill Buckner unable to bend over.
2007-12-14 22:39:29
24.   68elcamino427
Steroids made the rebus puzzle disappear.
Advertisement
Post a comment   (Help)

To comment, please log in.

Not a member? Register!