Baseball Toaster Catfish Stew
Help
STOP CASTING POROSITY! An Oakland Athletics blog.
Frozen Toast
Search
Google Search
Web
Toaster
Catfish Stew
Archives

2009
02  01 

2008
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

2007
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

2006
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

2005
12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  01 

2004
12  09  08  01 

2003
12  11  10  09  08 
Email Us

Ken: catfish AT zombia d.o.t. com
Ryan: rarmbrust AT gmail d.o.t. com
Philip: kingchimp AT alamedanet d.o.t net

Ken's Greatest Hits
28 Aug 2003
12 Jan 2004
31 May 2005
11 May 2005
29 Jun 2005
8 Jun 2005
19 Jul 2005
11 Aug 2005
7 Sep 2005
20 Sep 2005
22 Sep 2005
26 Sep 2005
28 Sep 2005
29 Sep 2005
18 Oct 2005
9 Nov 2005
15 Nov 2005
20 Nov 2005

13 Dec 2005
19 Jan 2006
28 Jan 2006
21 Feb 2006
10 Apr 2006
16 Apr 2006
22 Apr 2006
7 May 2006
25 May 2006
31 May 2006
18 Jun 2006
22 Jun 2006
6 Jul 2006
17 Jul 2006
13 Aug 2006
15 Aug 2006
16 Aug 2006
20 Aug 2006
11 Oct 2006
31 Oct 2006
29 Dec 2006
4 Jan 2006
12 Jan 2006
27 Jan 2007
17 Feb 2007
30 Apr 2007
27 Aug 2007
5 Sep 2007
19 Oct 2007
23 Nov 2007
5 Jan 2008
16 Jan 2008
4 Feb 2008
7 May 2008
20 Jun 2008
4 Feb 2008
I Am Holding Bobby Kielty Prisoner
2007-01-27 17:31
by Ken Arneson

Kielty mug shot

I arrested Bobby Kielty today. Call it a citizen's arrest. I took one look at him at the A's Fan Fest, and I instantly realized that a terrorist could kidnap him, trade him to Pittsburgh, and create a weapon that could injure or kill thousands, if not millions, of innocent people.

It is a danger that in good conscience, I could not allow to persist. Rest assured, Bobby Kielty is safe, and will not be harmed. I am detaining him merely to protect the innocent. When I have received written proof that Kielty cannot and will not ever wear that hideous new red Pittsburgh Pirates uniform, I will release him.

I realize that my actions have consequences. I am prepared to accept those consequences, whatever they may be, in order to save the lives of others. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. I am not sure when you will see me again here at Catfish Stew.

The good news is that The Pastime author Ryan Armbrust has agreed to join the staff of Catfish Stew. I'm sure you will find him to be a fine young writer, with many lovely charts. I am excited to have him join us, even in these dangerous and difficult times.

Save the outfielder, save the world...

Comments
2007-01-27 18:04:00
1.   photogirl
lol Poor Ronnie Mac! I actually got to be a part of Fan Fest this year, all the way over here in Jersey City, NJ. A's had a live feed going on their mlb website. Some of those questions during the Q and A's were just downright scary.

Post more photos, Ken!

Kerry :-)

2007-01-27 19:09:11
2.   Philip Michaels
"He's 6-foot-5... 6-foot-9 with the afro."

And welcome, Ryan. As the last guy Ken added, I've done my level best to ease your transition by setting an especially low bar for newcomers.

2007-01-27 19:13:50
3.   Jon Weisman
Did the cheerleader's dad design the Pirate uniform?
2007-01-27 20:51:13
4.   Vishal
i'm generally a fan of red hair, and a fan of the 'fro, but in kielty's case, it needs to go.
2007-01-27 21:38:14
5.   Jon Weisman
Hey, ho, we won't fro!
2007-01-27 23:10:24
6.   Professor Oakland
My goodness.
2007-01-28 02:31:25
7.   Voxter
Hey Ken, I'm pretty sure you got Carrot-top, because I just saw Bobby Kielty onstage holding a phone receiver attatched to a toilet seat, raving about his "commodophone".
2007-01-28 03:18:08
8.   Ryan Armbrust
Thanks for the front page welcome, Ken. Not only do I have pretty charts and graphs -- much easier on the eyes than the Kielty Klown with a red Pirate uni -- I have come with my favorite quote:

"I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. " – Mark Twain

Comment status: comments have been closed. Baseball Toaster is now out of business.