To: Jack Cust
C/O Rangers Ballpark
Please find enclosed a map of the Rangers Stadium seating sections and their corresponding ticket prices. I've taken the liberty of doing some research on your behalf, and I've discovered that a VIP Infield ticket right behind the A's dugout will cost $100. If those seats are unavailable, you could always settle for a $75 Premium Infield seat near the A's dugout where you will still be close enough to the action to shout encouraging words to your teammates and wave at them as they warm up in the on-deck circle.
If you, like me, are a more frugal consumer, Rangers Ballpark has a wide variety of ticket prices to choose from, from the $70 Lexus Club Infield seats to the Grandstand Reserve where you can take in a ballgame for just $6. The Rangers usually draw about 27,000 or so fans, so tickets should be plentiful up to gametime.
And if you need further encouragement, the Rangers are offering a number of promotions for the remaining games of this Oakland series. Today, they'll have a postgame Fireworks Show -- man, I love me some fireworks. And Sunday's game, in addition to being Photo Day, is $1 Ice Cream Sunday. They're practically giving away ice cream, Jack.
I mention all this because if you were planning on repeating last night's performance, where you struck out looking three times on your way to Golden Sombrero, perhaps you and the team would be better served if you just bought yourself a ticket to the game. You'll still be able to stand there motionless, enjoying a fine view of the proceedings, and another Athletic can get into the ballgame and maybe come through with a key hit, even if by accident.