Ken Macha took a split squad of A's down to Tucson on Saturday, and treated the whole bus to an ice cream break at a local Dairy Queen.
It's a cute story. But I kinda feel left out.
Not because I think Macha should treat me to some ice cream. Because I have never once even stepped foot in a Dairy Queen.
So when Nick Swisher jokes about ordering a $7 Blizzard, I have no idea what that means. I feel like someone is preventing me from experiencing a core piece of American culture.
But the problem is this: there aren't any Dairy Queens around here. There are zero Dairy Queens in Alameda, where I live, zero in Oakland, and zero in San Francisco.
There is a combo Orange Julius/Dairy Queen express shop in a shopping mall in Hayward, but if you want a real standalone Dairy Queen, you have to go over the Oakland Hills out to San Ramon, about a 30 minute drive.
So then I checked Phoenix and Tucson, where the incident took place. Which Dairy Queen did they go to? Hard to tell. There are at least seven Dairy Queens within the Phoenix city limits, and nine in Tucson.
Hmm...this is starting to look suspicious. OK, let's look at how many Dairy Queens are within the city limits of each MLB city (by division):
City Dairy Queens
Arlington 1 (Dallas: 4)
Kansas City 3
Minneapolis 7 (St. Paul: 8)
New York City 0
San Francisco 0
Los Angeles 1
San Diego 4
St. Louis 4
New York City 0
Washington, DC 0
Well, I feel a little better now. The Bay Area isn't alone in its DairyQueenlessness. But why are we, New York City, and Washington D.C. being left out? And why does Toronto, which isn't even in United States, have more Dairy Queens than the rest of the AL East combined?
It's all very fishy, if you ask me. I smell a conspiracy...