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Dead Elbow Sketch
2005-06-02 21:37
by Ken Arneson

Mr. Dotel enters a doctor's office.

Mr. Dotel: Hello? I wish to register a complaint.

Dr. Yocum: We're closing for lunch.

Mr. Dotel: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to register a complaint about this here elbow what you treated in this very office not two weeks ago.

Dr. Yocum: Oh, yes, the, uh, closer's arm. What's uh, what's wrong with it?

Mr. Dotel: What's wrong with it? I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

Dr. Yocum: No, no, it's's just restin'.

Mr. Dotel: Listen, matey, I know a dead elbow when I feel one, and I'm feeling one right now.

Dr. Yocum: No, it's not dead, it's just restin'. Remarkable joint, the elbow. Excellent congruity of the bony architecture.

Mr. Dotel: The congruity don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Dr. Yocum: Nononono, no, no! It's just restin'.

Mr. Dotel: All right, if it's just resting, I'll wake it up! Hello, elbow! Wake up, elbow! I'm going to throw a slider now!

(Picks up a baseball, and throws a hanging slider across the room.)

Now that's what I call a dead elbow.

Dr. Yocum: No, the elbow is stunned.

Mr. Dotel: STUNNED?!?

Dr. Yocum: You stunned it, just as it had almost finished restin'. Elbows stun easily, major.

Mr. Dotel: look here, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. The elbow is definitely deceased, and when I came to see you two weeks ago you assured me that my slider's lack of movement was due to a temporary buildup of calcium. The elbow is dead. It is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. a late elbow! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! Its ulnar collateral ligament is of interest only to historians! It's left the yard! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an EX-ELBOW!

Dr. Yocum: Well, I better replace your UCL, then.

Mr. Dotel: If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain 'til you're blue in the mouth.

Dr. Yocum: Sorry, Bud, we're fresh out of tendons.

Mr. Dotel: I see, I see. I get the picture.

Dr. Yocum: Listen, I'll tell you what, tell you what, if you go to Dr. Andrews' office in Birmingham, he'll replace your elbow for you.

Mr. Dotel: Birmingham, eh? OK.


Mr. Dotel enters Dr. Andrews' office.

Mr. Dotel: Um, excuse me, this is Birmingham, isn't it?

Dr. Andrews: No, it's Mobile.

Mr. Dotel leaves, then comes back.

Mr. Dotel: I understand that this is Birmingham.

Dr. Andrews: Yeah?

Mr. Dotel: You told me it was Mobile!

Dr. Andrews: It was an anagram.

Mr. Dotel: An anagram?

Dr. Andrews: No, no, not an anagram--what's the other thing where it reads the same backwards as forwards?

Mr. Dotel: A palindrome?

Dr. Andrews: Yeah, yeah.

Mr. Dotel: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of Mobile would be Elibom! It doesn't work!

Dr. Andrews: What do you want?

Mr. Dotel: No, I'm sorry! I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as this has all become superfluous.

Dr. Andrews: Superfluous, sir?

Mr. Dotel: Yes, superfluous. The point of this blog entry has been already made hasn't it? There's no point in continuing except to show off some more pop culture references.

Dr. Andrews: you want to come back to my place and watch Huston Street take over your job?

Mr. Dotel: Yeah, all right.

2005-06-03 12:05:33
1.   Jen
First time I've smiled all day. Thank you.

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