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Nothing on the Ants
2005-08-02 00:51
by Ken Arneson

We humans think we're all hot stuff cuz we got an Advanced Civilization with cool High-Tech gizmos like them Computer Internets that can quickly inform the masses of important information, like the news that They Found Steroids In Rafael Palmeiro's Pee.


Yesterday, I left an open container of sugar on my counter, and in less than 24 hours, not only had every ant in Northern California found out that They Found Sugar In Ken Arneson's Kitchen, they had all physically appeared inside my house to investigate the chemical for themselves.

Until we humans learn to do teleportation, we've got nothing on the ants.

* * *

Question: Which of these news stories on Monday was the most surprising?


A. Barry Bonds declares himself out for the year.

B. Rafael Palmeiro tests positive for steroids.

C. Joe Blanton outpitches Johan Santana.

D. Bomb explodes outside BA, BP Offices in Iran


Gotta be D. I didn't even know Baseball America and Baseball Prospectus had offices in Iran.

* * *

While the ESPN commentators were blathering on about Palmeiro during Monday's A's-Twins game, they completely ignored a really interesting play. Bobby Kielty executed a textbook example of when and how to slide into first base. SS Jason Bartlett threw high to first base, forcing Justin Morneau to leap off the bag to catch it. Kielty reacted perfectly, quickly sliding right under Morneau's tag attempt. If Kielty had run straight through, he would have been out. ESPN didn't even notice what a cool play Kielty made. They didn't discuss it, or even show a single replay. But trust me, go find the tape and put that play in your own personal instructional video. I give it my full en dorse ment.

* * *

Just wondering: why would anybody invest over a million dollars to build robots to mow ads into grass, when you could just use existing first-down-line technology to accomplish the same thing on TV?

* * * has a nice photo gallery up on the A's. This picture is the final out from an A's-Phils game I went to. When I saw it live, I thought Johnson missed the tag, and seeing this picture, I still can't tell.

* * *

I agree that classical music isn't inherently superior to modern musical genres. Neither, however, is it doomed to obscurity: BBC's recordings of Beethoven symphonies recently became (by far) the most downloaded music recordings ever. The classical art forms still have a role to play in the modern world, but as the times and the technologies and the art forms change, it takes time to figure out what that new role is.

* * *

I was thinking about the Baseball Hall of Fame ceremonies this weekend. There's one award for Print Journalism. There's another for Broadcast Journalism. Will there come a time, when we have come to understand the role of blogging in our society, when we see a third award category, for Online Journalism?

* * *

That's it for now. Gotta go run and fight off another wave of ants...

2005-08-02 09:05:20
1.   Philip Michaels
"But trust me, go find the tape and put that play in your own personal instructional video. I give it my full en dorse ment."

Angling for a role in the next Tom Emanski commercial, are we? Or at least one of those nice mesh hats that they gave to Fred McGriff?

As for the ants, my wife swears that laying down generous heapings of cinamon near the ant lines is the best line of defense in repelling the pests. Apparently, it messes with their heads or senses of smell or something. It would take a scientist to explain.

I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords...

2005-08-02 10:33:40
2.   Ken Arneson
I've heard cinnamon, and boric acid works well, but the problem those "ant line" solutions are threefold:

1. You have to leave cinnamon or boric acid lying around your house all the time

2. When the ants decide to travel along the wall or ceiling, that solution doesn't work so well

3. The little buggers never come in the same way twice.

So I've given up trying to prevent them from entering. When I find them, I just "remove" with some Simple Green, and then find the hole where they're coming in, and spray just a touch of Raid. That usually keeps them away, until they discover a new way in.

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