Actual e-mails among actual Toasterites, accompanied by the play-by-play that inspired the messages:

Bottom of the Second C. Kotchman struck out swinging
T. Hunter lined out to left
G. Anderson safe at first on J. Cust's fielding error, G. Anderson to second
R. Quinlan singled to third, G. Anderson to third
M. Napoli singled to left, G. Anderson scored, R. Quinlan to third
E. Aybar homered to deep right center, R. Quinlan and M. Napoli scored
C. Figgins reached on bunt single to third
C. Figgins stole second
G. Matthews Jr. singled to left, C. Figgins scored
V. Guerrero grounded out to third

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From: Bob Timmermann

Subject: And He Used Two Hands

I believe Jack Cust should be kept away from baseball positions that require him to use a glove.

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From: Philip Michaels

Subject: Re: And He Used Two Hands

Positions that require him to swing a bat aren't all that ideal for him either, at least until he learns how to hit a breaking ball.

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Top of the Fifth J. Cust homered to deep right center

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From: Philip Michaels

Subject: Like I Said...

Good ol' Jack Cust.

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That's insight you can't get anywhere else, folks...